some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Randomize
