her vagine was all disorganized.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
