I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
