There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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