dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
