I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
