Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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