I can feel you judging me through the phone.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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