the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Even the bartender felt bad for me
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
