youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
