Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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