he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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