I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
