I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
