We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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