Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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