the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
