I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I can't put those talents on a resume
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
