There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
