Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
