we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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