I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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