btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
