There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
