She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
