dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
