Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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