i wish starbucks made bloody marys
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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