I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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