You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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