Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
