pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
