when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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