i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
