Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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