Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
