It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize