Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize