Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
