not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize