i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
