I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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