i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize