epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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