I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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