All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
