You just made me feel so damn special
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
