Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize