all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
