i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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