i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
