If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
