I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize