I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
