my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
should my penis look like a turkey
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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