he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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