he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
