take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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