I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
