I think I am morally bankrupt
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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