Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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