Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
