What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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