Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
