Life is so much better after having sex.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
OPIZZABONMYDICK
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
