If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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