Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize