So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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