i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
