Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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