the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
