he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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