can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
