how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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