I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
In other news, I just burned my penis
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
