Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
