i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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