i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
