I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
