i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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