Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just sucked dick on a ferry
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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