She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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