Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
