i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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