If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
